Posted on by newmengu

The Reminder of Empty

The day after one realizes the emptiness of something no longer before us, of someone no longer amongst us, or some emotion-attached-memory that knocks the wind out of our steps.  This happened.  With this object.  Seemingly safe.  Culturally common.  Plastic to place in the recycle bin.  After scrapping out the last smears from the container last nite.  So why the impact?

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With the onset of the exponential invasion of stimuli sources via the internet, too often we can blink and the “next” has come and gone before we can grasp “it”.  Sometimes it may seem like Ironman swooping down and saving us from dealing with it.  Sometimes it is our wound-wall that erupts to keep us away from feeling.  Sometimes our mind is so jumbled by all the images and words of the day, it simply falls off into oblivion… added to the pile… thrown in the lottery ball bubble-spinner to pop up, possibly, in the future when our heart knowingly chooses to grasp it.

After completing now almost twelve years of learning to live life due to a TBi (traumatic brain injury), exacerbated by spinal stenosis and SCD (superior canal dehiscence) Syndrome, i actually give thanks when my heart lingers long enough to respond.  For life with a TBi, pain, and fatigue is more than just a battle.  It is a new life.  For life missing a loved one.  It is a new way to live.  For life unable to do most of which i had done without thinking for the previous 47 years.  It is a new life where there are many, many things i can no longer do.  No matter how much i replay the habitual positive thinking, the ultimate optimist, the think-i-can-i-think-i-can record with which i was raised to play, it does not change what once was.  Some things are empty.  Everything around may look the same.  But what no one, including me, can see is:

There are things that come in life that once filled life, but whether due to choice or circumstance, consequence or crap shoot, they are now empty.

I had been savoring tidbits, a slim schmear, of this chunky peanut butter for over a year.  It reminded me of much.  So much.  More than i could have ever imagined.  Somehow engulfing a hope it would fill an emptiness, even for just a moment.  All the while, without me realizing it, filling the emptiness with the habits built over decades.  Which filled my emptiness with savoring the blessings i did nothing to earn nor deserve.  Unconsciously practicing:

Focus and remember things that bring heart-felt JOY and strength, peace and comfort.

And, as I was raised and as i did my best to raise our children, this practice reminds me of what it must have been like to see the tomb of Christ Jesus… empty.  Deep bewilderment, unconscionable thoughts, lungs seemingly collapsed or roaring with emotions, eyes stunned, tears non-existent or flowing like Niagara Falls, questions unanswered… missing a loved one… an empty tomb.

An empty tomb which no one seemed to remember nor connect with what Jesus had told those who listened and heard was to occur.  An empty tomb that surely brought forth every emotion imaginable rushing forward in moments to come.  All uniquely created, all different, yet still it was an empty tomb.

Are we not called to be reminded of the empty?  As an encouragement.  As a source of strength.  As a foundation for hope.  As a treasure to shared.  As a gift to be cherished.  We all have the choice of how we practice responding, staying in reality, to those things or person(s) that somehow left us… evacuating us into empty.

There is so much expression of dealing with empty nowadays.  Some are able to practice what they were taught or shown, to hold firm with the wonderfully foundational and repeated-by-many for centuries, life-giving focus to bring hope and JOY to be treasured; on the other hand, more and more seem to either not have been present for the lesson, had no one present to show them, or thought they knew better and now justify to themselves and the world the horrific suggestion that giving up and taking whomever is in the same place is the way to go.  A choice.  A focus.  A way.  Which way do you want your loved ones to embrace?

Empty opens the door to being filled with something new and good and right.

I really miss who once was.  Yet, faith in Jesus tells us that He came to save us, renew us, restore us.  That though the tomb may be empty, He has made a way that is full of hope and JOY to be eternally cherished.  That giving up… quitting… settling with the populace… surrounding self with hopelessness, anger, un-forgiveness, unworthiness, and/or self-pity, is NOT living into the new creation we are called to be in Christ.  I know that who once was, is and will be.  For we are called to live by faith, not by sight… not by understanding.. not by works.  To live into the new man (or woman) which Christ Jesus suffered rejection, torture, then death on a cross for… then, conquering death to demonstrate that there is life after whatever we have faced as we believe in Him.

Empty is not comfortable.  Yet, empty is a reality.  Living through pain or loss, wounds or distrust, disappointment or chaos, are realities in life.  Anyone who is living in reality knows that.  It is our choice to escape, avoid, isolate, divide, or numb; or, to get uncomfortable and go thru the healing and stay focused with the hope and JOY that awaits all who persevere thru to new life.  Even through the empty:                                 GU… get uncomfortable.

 

Posted on by newmengu

The Ticket

To get into places of interest, there is often the requirement to have a ticket. No ticket, no entry. In the old days, if you did not go to the ticket office, one had to make sure the ticket was from an upright entity; otherwise, you would hand over your hard earned cash for a bogus piece of paper that got you in nowhere.

In today’s world, there is the availability of obtaining a virtual ticket. Whether an electronic copy of your ticket, or an inkblot square with the magic password embedded in it, providing you entrance into that place you want to go.

Unwary wanderers, may be in such a hurry, or oblivious to the evil counterfeiters, or too trusting of the get-it-now or this-is-the-best-deal temptation, that they may indeed have a ticket; but, it is not THE ticket.

Think about it. We reach and grab on to lots of tickets, especially the free ones. Here are some actual tickets that we do not probably perceive to be tickets, but in their own way, they definitely are. Why? They let you enter the place of your interest. Some are readily available, some are a gamble, some are regrettably free, and some can become quite costly:

  • the instant pleasure ticket
  • the i deserve ticket
  • the vengeance ticket
  • the i want more ticket
  • the it’s all for me ticket
  • the i have the right ticket
  • the you deserve it ticket
  • the that’s what i think of you ticket
  • the i like to use those kind of words ticket
  • the who cares if it’s a lie ticket
  • the it’s easier to do what i’ve always done ticket
  • the it’s my body so i can do what i want to with it ticket

These are just a sampling of tickets that are readily available in our me-first, i got the right, let me express, free to be me culture; where we basically justify our choice by declaring “i have a ticket”. Look around, it’s everywhere. Actually always has been, but it is now a viral entitlement weapon used by the masses to justify our action (or non-action). And, if one notices, these tickets have to do with me, now, wants, rights, deserving, pleasure, pride, power, escape, numbing, and temporary events.

Over 2000 years ago, a carpenter’s son born in nowheresville, came to offer everyone “The Ticket”. Like a ticket we find or make, it is readily available; but “The Ticket” is one of a kind. This simple man proclaimed he was “The Ticket”. That he was the way, the truth, and the life. That he is “The Ticket” which provides forgiveness of our sins, by his blood, that would be shed as payment for us to have “The Ticket”. That “The Ticket” opens the door to a restored relationship with the Creator of all things. That “The Ticket” promises life everlasting where there is no more sorrow, no more pain, no more tears. And, it is free to all who believe in this simple brother, who wants to call us friend. His name is Jesus, and He still offers and is an endless supply of “The Ticket”.

What place of interest are you holding a ticket for? Is it really worth it? Does it provide what you want for more than a few minutes or hours? Or, does your heart cry out for you to get the real deal, “The Ticket”? Seek a relationship with the simple carpenter’s son, who came to save us from sin & death. For our free will allows us to choose: a ticket from the world or our own making; or, “The Ticket”… his name is Jesus. Go…

Posted on by newmengu

Freedom…

Today, in the United States of America, we recognize and celebrate Independence Day.  It has now been 240 years of remembering this day…

Remembering a day that declared who, we, as a body of people are.  Free.  Free from the rule of an-other, who had only their wishes over an-other, to be broken.  Free.  To make the choice to stand up.  Free.  To choose to make the sacrifices to fight for, be, and protect our being free.

A new country.  A new foundation.  A new hope.  A new community.  All because people were united, focused upon a single goal.  People from all sorts of ethnicities – socio-economic backgrounds, nations, denominations, ages, personal desires, likes and dislikes.  People who chose to prioritize sacrificing to live where there was freedom to make choices.  People who had no idea what that was going to look like, nor what were the consequences that they were to face, this mishmash of people, as the years would come and go.

Freedom.  It comes by choice.  It comes by sacrifice.  It is a privilege.  It is earned not by works, but by people doing what it takes to break the bondage, the chain, the oppression that limits one from making a choice.  Freedom.  Our United States of America has provided a culture where one can choose.  To live and practice God’s gift of free will.

Freedom.  It comes with responsibility.  To maintain it.  For all to enjoy.  For all to be united in supporting an-other’s freedom of choice.  To insure that a person’s gift of free will, the ability to make a choice (as well as be accountable to the consequences), is available and continued.

Freedom.  By every definition of the word, means me, i, you, them, us, we have the ability to make a choice that does not harm nor bind an-other to something, someone, somewhere, that they do not wish to be.  Whether it means being forcibly chained, bound, to being involved with, connected to, financially supporting, or working for an-other that we do not choose to, so we fight and sacrifice so that freedom will be available to all who accept the responsibility of freedom.  (And, may i be so bold as to comment that way too many people have forgotten what that this freedom comes with responsibilities for self AND others.  That one’s right does not mean binding another without any consequence of their perceived right, their choice.)

Jesus.  He’s the guy who came to be the lone, perfect example, of providing freedom.  Loving us whether we like, love, know, believe in Him or not.  Freedom.  He’s the guy who sacrificed everything – dignity, respect, rights, and His life – so we can have the opportunity to be free.  Freedom.  From shame.  From lies.  From hatred.  From unforgiveness.  From oppression.  From hopelessness.  From death eternal.  Jesus.  Freedom.   He said, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, And recovery of sight to the blind, To set at liberty those who are oppressed…”.  [Luke 4:18, New King James Version]

Freedom…

“It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life.  Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom.  Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows.  For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence:  Love others as you love yourself.  That’s an act of true freedom.  If you bite and ravage each other, watch out – in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?”  [Galatians 5:13-15, “The Message”]

Freedom.  Let us recognize and celebrate this Independence Day.  Always remembering the sacrifices and choices that continue to be the foundation of freedom.  Just as Jesus chose to do for us, we are to do for one an-other.  We in the United States of America are blessed to live with this opportunity… this privilege and responsibility.  Let us unite our hands and hearts to be the best example we can.  To always remember that we are all human, not perfect, yet with Christ we CAN begin to live as the new creation He created us to be.  As one of our patriotic songs reminds us, “…God shed His grace on thee…”.  Freedom.  Let us give thanks and praise… living as new men… getting uncomfortable and having the freedom to follow Jesus (or not), and accepting all the consequences of our freedom.  A safe and JOY-filled, thankful, happy Independence Day to all.

 

 

Posted on by newmengu

Anyways…

It is Father’s Day.  It is another Sunday.  It is another night that this TBi-guy (traumatic brain injury) cannot sleep anymore because my brain processes the day like a 286, no, there’s been healing, perhaps now up to a Pentiun II speed; and, i hear “anyways”.

Me and my knowledge recognize that sleep is vitally important to healing and functioning optimally the next day, TBi or not.  Can’t sleep? So, get up and share anyways…

My heart is overly sensitive to seeing young dads and their kids.  It reminds me of the gifts of children God has blessed me with in my life. It brings back the most amazing feelings one receives when your child looks up to you, runs to you, calls your name, holds on tight, copies exactly what you just did, sleeps in your arms.  I miss those feelings.  It hurts.  It brings JOY.  I have every excuse to stay home, rest, and do brain therapies.  Yet, i am called to go out in the world, see this, and be reminded of this, anyways…

My own Dad has been discovered to have Alzheimers.  Our Superman.  Hizzoner.  The guy would have me pitch and hit the glove til it was too dark to safely see the ball.  He set an example i thought i could never attain (and never really have).  I rebelled while trying to cone out from under his name and have my own identity.  Young.  Foolish.  Prideful. And he has loved me through it all, anyeays…

Watched our first Orlando City soccer game tonight (on TV) with the gift of my Bride. More than just a soccer game this week after the murder of a young singer, murders of 49 at a dance club, and a family’s loss of a 2 yeat old to nature.  It was visual stimuli of people continuing to share & hurt & give & grieve & deal with how their life has been affected by these tragedies (and yes, some were probably just there for the game).  And, as our community continues to stand together with love and unity, against easily justified fears, anger, blame, hatred, and “feel good fixes”, we continue to love one another because our heart, (versus our mind, pain, justifications, and the media) is directing our actions. Because of love, whether we know it or not, we are obeying the example and teachings of Jesus, by loving and encouraging one another, to mourn with one another, to generously give, to forgive, to do things such as these despite our differences and pain, doing these things, anyways…

As we choose to allow the Lord to transform our heart and mind into who He created each of us to uniquely be, it is only then do we begin to see what God sees.  That i am made with a purpose.  That i am not that lie that i’ve been believing.  That with Christ i can miraculously join the earthly army of new men.  To be an example, a teacher, a friend, a leader, a dad, a servant, a man.  Joining other new men, created by God, to live through this life and all it has to throw at us.  New men impacting others for God’s Kingdom, and giving Him all the glory. New men learning who our Father in heaven is, how outrageously courageous and humble Jesus is, how powerful Holy Spirit reigning in our life is.  All to become the new men He planned for us, before we were in our mother’s womb, even though life and our poor choices (sin) can do their best to thwart, distract, hurt, discourage, and blind us.   We all have what we think are good reasons, justifications, for who and why we are the way we are.  Yet, Jesus calls to us and says to come and follow Him. Jesus showed us that love triumphs and wins, conquers anything & anyone in the eternal picture. And, He came to live as a man, work, suffer, teach, be flogged and crucified, then conquering death to rise again for all of us.  He did all this for us, while we are yet still sinners, anyways…

Growing, learning, practicing, recognizing, remembering, loving, forgiving, working, confessing, persevering, trusting, obeying what the Lord has demonstrated and told us to do, is crazy impossible without asking and allowing Holy Spirit to help us, show us, comfort us, direct us, yeah?  Yet, do we not yet believe that our God is a good, good Father?  JLML1854That He loves us so much as to send His only Son, Jesus, to be a living sacrifice for all our sins. Paying the ultimate price so we may truly live. Isn’t it time to start saying & showing our Father in heaven, the Lord God Almighty, “Happy Father’s Day”?  That whether or not we know our dad, have a dad, have good or bad memories of our dad…  whether life has been easy or tough, fun or work, peaceful or tragic… that we start to take the steps to believe, love, and practice trusting and obeying the only One who loves us enough to want us to have a room in His house for eternity…  no more sorrow, no more pain… becoming the man He created us to be?  Isn’t it time to get off the treadmill of whatever we’ve been doing that is not working, and join the mishmash of guys whose hearts are being restored and transformed by the love of Jesus?   Yup, not comfortable.  We have to GU (get uncomfortable)… and practice & learn & wait & listen & trust & obey Jesus.  Simple? Perhaps.  Easy?  Not for most of us.  Want JOY & peace, wisdom & life… to hear, “I AM proud of you”… then take the steps to do these things, anyways…

We CAN, with Jesus.  No matter where we are, what we’ve done, what we think we’re hiding, who we think we are, how we think God failed us, what we deserve but don’t have… when we take the step to confess our sins and believe, Jesus answers… anyways.

Posted on by newmengu

Stricken…

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Blinded.  Beauty.  Nothingness.  Everything.  Closed.  Light…

We live in central Florida.  Where “The City Beautiful” resides.   We are home to Mickey and Shamu, home to one of the largest universities in America, home of leading technological expertise, home of international ministries, home of Rethink Homelessness, home of Florida crackers, home of immigrants reaching their dream of coming to America, home to people of every imaginable background.    And, i am stricken…

Stricken.  Stricken by the fact we forget the value of life and one an-other.  Stricken by the blatant reminders:  As guys, we can be temporarily blinded or still blind.  We can be oblivious to beauty or have misogynistic views of beauty.  We can be driven to everything yet repeatedly finding nothing of long-lasting value or worth.  We want everything but sometimes discover we have nothing.  So we close our hearts and minds to anything we don’t understand, or that which takes hard work or sacrifice, or even worse, we close our self to truth, relationships, and to the love and identity that Jesus Christ offers to all.

Stricken.  Stricken by the so-close-to-home, gut-wrenching realities of life.  Being lost.  Being angry.  Searching for identity.  Taking justice into our own hands.  Believing in a lie.  Rebelling against what were once unquestioned, rarely broken in America, norms of behavior.  Or, sadly, being shown the blatant evidence of bad fruit that comes from one not knowing the love Jesus teaches; perhaps being abused, inconsistently being disciplined with love, confused by what society “accepts” as what is right or wrong, or not having an example from another in one’s life, to ever learn what it means that God loves us and to love your neighbor as yourself.

Stricken.  Stricken, as a concert venue where we have many fond memories of music and time with friends, has had a performer who was sharing her gifts for others to enjoy, be murdered by a guy.  Stricken, as a place my wife and i would go to (before my TBi – traumatic brain injury), where people of every age, color, lifestyle, and background would go to if you really liked to dance, is now a site of America’s greatest massacre since Wounded Knee in 1890, by a guy.  Stricken, as the home of Mickey Mouse is struck by the reality of nature, as a family loses their treasured 2 year old son to the instincts of an alligator.

Stricken.  Stricken because of the vastness of love and loss.  Stricken as our own home was hit by “the phone call”:  “…are you the parents of…?”.  Stricken as a husband, dad, and friend, i have had to face the challenges and character tests of what hundreds (if not thousands) are directly walking through right now in OUR-lando.  And, there is nothing to prepare one for this life-shattering experience of sudden and traumatic loss of a loved one.

Stricken.  Stricken because the event of losing a loved one is but the dot, the starting point of the journey of life without your loved one.  Stricken, knowing that one will face adding on the complexities of those in your life who also loved and will deal (or not deal and be dealt with), who is gone.  Stricken, knowing that there will be friends who want to help and comfort but have not experienced such loss; and, as they do their best, which often, unbeknownst to them, only exacerbates the pain.

Stricken.  Knowing a friend who lost a friend in the massacre.  Having another friend whose family member is clinging to life in iCU due to the massacre.  Having another friend whose co-worker’s loved one is only alive because of the helmet he wore as he went in to save others.

All of this is part of our home, and now many others.  The pictures and memories of our son we tragically lost in 2005.  Stricken, as heart wounds felt again.  The loss of who i was due to my TBi (traumatic brain injury) in 2006.  Stricken, as my daily battle has “more” added on top of my brain that already has limitations on it.  The loss of other dear friends and family to cancer, to accident, to suicide, to Alzheimer’s, all in the last 10 years.  Stricken, as new people and new, but familiar pain, is placed before us, once again.

And, though i (we) are stricken, we CAN do what love requires us to do.  “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee…” [Psalm 55:22] (KJV).

When we learn to humble our self and not attempt to go it alone, we CAN make it through.  “For i can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” [Philippians 4:13] (NLT).

When we practice living into the new man that we are called to be, we CAN make an impact.  “…let God make you guys come all new kine inside, how you feel an how you tink.”  [Ephesians 4:23] (da Jesus book).

When we keep our heart and mind focused on God’s promises, we CAN maintain hope, receive wisdom and strength, and take the steps through this pain to the JOY the Lord promises.  “God continued… ‘I’m putting my rainbow in the clouds, a sign of the covenant between Me and the Earth.  From now on, when I form a cloud over the Earth and the rainbow appears in the cloud, I’ll remember My covenant between Me and you…’ … And God said, ‘This is the sign of the covenant that I’ve set up between Me and everything living on the Earth.'”  [portions of Genesis 9:12-17, with capitalizations] (MSG).

As another day will break through, as we in OUR-lando (Orlando’s United Response), we continue to pray together, we mourn together, we support one an-other, we choose to ignite love (not hatred or retribution or need for new laws that the lost, hurting, and disobedient don’t pay attention to anyways) for the world to see… by gathering together, by generously giving for the sake of others.  For we look to the positive and hopeful side of being stricken… to be deeply affected, to produce, to cause, to reach, to impress strongly, to meet, to achieve, to remove, to overwhelm, to start, to cause, to ignite, to go and be a light in the darkness of the evil that befell us.  To show the world that Jesus’ words still ring true.  That love wins.  Love conquers.  Love is victorious.  Love heals.  That the love that Jesus called us to be, can change anyone, anytime, anywhere, for the good that God intended in His Kingdom eternal… and this is the journey of faith to get us there.  New men.  As one can read in the Bible, sometimes life will come and we are presented with the test to “GU” (get uncomfortable), to pray, to love, for glory of the Lord and for the sake of others.  We CAN…  Prayers.  Unity.  Love.  Jesus calls us to, “Go.”

 

Posted on by newmengu

t e a r s 

American English is confusing at times, like life.  What first comes to mind for you as you read, “tears”?  Is it about a gulp and emotional evidence in your eyes, or is there a sound, perhaps pain felt as something is no longer together?  

Funny how one response to the word can be about JOY or sadness, emotions; good things, responses, being real, in touch, connected, releasing.  All of which us guys growing up with John Wayne and Superman are told are signs of weakness, unmanly, wimpy, weak, or tender. Confusion.  For does it not take a strong man to freely express what is on his heart?  Science tells us tears release chemicals in our brain that are good and healthy for us, thus it is a wise thing to allow.  Remember the peace, the exhausted rejuvenation, the deep rest, after a releasing of tears?  

The other response is about pulling apart, often pain, forced separation, anger, foolish frustration, injury, something bad happening.  All of which can bring about the facade of us handling it, dealing with it in a “manly” way, fighting the urge, pushing through, or responding as we were taught.  And this is supposed to be the way pf strength and manliness?  Hiding, lying, falsifying, burying, isolating self, gulping emotions, and wearing a mask through reality?  Tears.  Confusing.  Which are we to be, guys?  Which one really impresses the ladies?  Who cares and what’s the point?  

Life is about how we choose to respond.  Yes, there is a multitude of factors that directly or indirectly impact our response.  This blog is gonna be about becoming new men.  Guys with purpose, living reality, facing life head-on, with other guys, being real, gaining strength and wisdom via vulnerability, truth, and love that empowers, saves, gives new life.   It is going to be about “gu”, getting uncomfortable.  No, not to prove something or impress, but to build strength, practice boldness, developing trust, being real with oneself and one an-other… all of which means getting uncomfortable, going against the norm of the world’s ways.  It is going to be about following one man who knows each of us and all things.  It is going to be about becoming new men… and that takes getting comfortable with getting uncomfortable.  Ready?  GU…